David Notkin: UW CSE Department Chair FAQ

Final Statistics:

Days as chair: 1672
Ties worn: 43
Days as chair/Ties worn: 38.88

"Now that you are chair, will you be dressing better?"
"No."
"Will you continue your research and teaching?"
"Yes, I hope to, although at a reduced level."
"Why are you keeping two offices when there is a space crunch?"
See #2.
"How can you possibly hope to replace Ed Lazowska?"
"I can't and I don't. As a colleague said, `We need a new chair, not a new Ed.'"
"Why would you agree to do this job?"
"Well, other than that I care about the department, I can't figure it out myself."
"How long is your term?"
"Until June 30, 2006, unless I get fired, quit, or take a sabbatical during that period."
- Update: No Fooling -- Hank Levy succeeded me as chair on April 1, 2006!
To continue the tradition set by my predecessor, during my final day as department chair, I issued a few pardons. Herewith:
- Magda Balazinska: for breaking our streak of 16 years without hiring a female assistant professor.
- Brian Bershad: for unequal advocacy of Washington State code RCW 9.73.030 and WAC 478-124-080.
- Jeff Bigham: for pulling the same April Fools' stunt two years in a row, and getting away with it.
- Lunch Bunch: for eating herring every day next year in solidarity with those who are in Scandanavia.
- Chris Cunnington: for never inviting me to Las Vegas with her and her husband.
- Scott Dakins: for misreading UW policy and giving two years instead of two weeks notice.
- Crystal Eney: for getting the tie-dye close, but the beard totally wrong, during the holiday skit.
- Linda Harvard, Tracy Bartholomew, Alon Levy, Sarah Schwarm (and surely others): for name changes, which are hard for, er, forgetful faculty.
- Alon Halevy: for thinking his kids were saying "Google" when they were saying "goo-goo".
- Ed Lazowska: for appearing in a UW billboard above an "adult" book store wearing an "attractive" yellow sweatshirt and posing with "Slick" Rick Neuheisel.
- Benson Limketkai: for putting the "Jeff Store", Reboot, and the ACM coke closet out of business.
- Jennifer Maione: for eating a vegetable, once, without drowning it in cheese sauce.
- Lindsay MichiMoto: for M&M's!
- Hank Levy: for painting the Allen Center purple, one wall at a time.
- David Notkin: for having my surgeon shape my scars like the UW ferret.
- Margie Ramsdell: for leaving one David for another.
- Stuart Reges: for something, although I have no clue as to what.
- Scott Rose: for sending email that, for some reason, more than occasionally causes recipients to wonder if he's telling the truth or a tall tale.
- Mani Soma: for taking the great picture of him in his chef's hat off the web because of pressure from the development staff.
To those not granted pardons, my greatest apologies, but you'll just have to wait five more years.